Holiday date nights with Just Jack

It's been a while since I wrote about Just Jack. Mainly because I don't see his pretty face nearly enough. So, I was beyond excited for our holiday date night last night.

Date nights with Just Jack=guaranteed hilarity.

Witness for yourself:

My little bro got me a pair of Ugg boots for Christmas. Just Jack DESPISES Ugg boots. (See this post for further clarification.) So of course I wore them just for him on our date night. Only the best for my gay-bee.

He couldn't resist ragging on me and I'm sure he'll never relent whenever I wear them in his presence. "I hope your warm and comfortable, Miss Procras., because you look ridiculous," were just some of the comments I endured. (His wifey, Straight Lady, owns Crocs so now he has two women in his life to torment. Bet he never thought that would happen.)

Anywho, we decided to order pizza from The Italian Store for dinner.

***D.C. residents, if you have not experienced the deliciousness that is The Italian Store, you are missing out on some of the best pizza ever created. And no, I'm not exaggerating. ***

Direct quote from Just Jack after he opened the box and ogled its contents. "I just had a mini-O from the site of that pizza."

Leaving the parking lot, we almost were run over by Santa, who had somehow traded in his sleigh for a red Ford Escape.

JJ: "Santa, go back to the North Pole and make me a toy for fuck's sake."

Our date night commenced with pizza, the cheapest bottle of wine we could find in the store (screwtop, of course), poured into pink plastic cups almost as flaming as JJ, a few reruns of Grey's, a viewing of Love Actually and some hot chocolate mixed with Kahlua, creme de menthe and vodka.

It was glorious.

And I must say, nights like this make my life complete.

Love you, mean it, JJ!

Wishing you all a Happy New Year! See you bias in 2010!!

Ellie the Echo Strikes Again

Remember this post from a couple weeks ago? Such a thoughtful early Christmas gift from my beloved car.

Those of you who know me are aware Miss Procras. and automobiles don't mix so well. In my nine years of wrecking havoc on the roads, I've flipped my car on a windy mountain, almost crashed head first into a school bus and caused countless dents in parking garages.

Basically, you sign over your life by getting into a car with me behind the wheel.

Guess Ellie decided a flat tire and being locked out wasn't enough punishment for one holiday season. On Sunday, after lunch with the parentals and some family friends, I headed to meet some friends for beer and football. I was very low on gas, but I figured I'd fill up after lunch. BAD IDEA.

As soon I pushed on the gas pedal, my car started puttering. I couldn't go faster than 25 mph. I needed a gas station ASAP.

Unsure where the closest station was, I headed toward what I thought was the most logical direction. I knew one couldn't be too far down the road. Au contraire.

Ellie crapped out before I could catch even the slightest glimpse of a gas station in the horizon.

Thankfully, my dad was less than two minutes away and came to my rescue.

We reached gas station #1. No gas cans. Headed to gas station #2. Closed. Reached gas station #3. Success!

Thirty minutes later, we had a gas can and fuel to get some sustenance into my bitch of a car so she could make it a mile down the road.

Hopefully, she's done with her shenanigans. I don't know if I can handle any more Christmas surprises from Ellie the Echo.

Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday, free of car distress!

You're a Rotten, Mrs. Grinch

One of my superiors is quite the ray of sunshine.

You'd think during such a festive season, even the grumpiest souls could find joy somewhere in the depths of their cold hearts.

Not this woman.

Homegirl walks through the office looking like a 90-year-old hunchback with her arms folded over her chest and the worst posture I've ever witnessed. (Probably due to the stick up her ass.)

She could give Ben Stein a run for his money with her monotone voice and lack of facial expressions. She zaps any and all energy from the office because she has none.

This morning, I held the door to our suite open for her, and she didn't even acknowledge the gesture. No 'thank you,' no 'good morning.' Nothing.

I've met some of the most socially awkward people, and even they know how to say 'please' and 'thank you.' It's not a hard concept.

I avoid her like the plague. If I have to drop of something in her office, I wait until she leaves and then slide it under her door. And if, God forbid, I go to the kitchen to warm up my lunch and she's already there, I go back to my desk and wait five minutes until she'd done.

I just find it easier to interact with her as little as possible.

Wonder if there's any hope that her heart could grow three sizes and she would carve the roast beast? Now THAT would be a true Christmas miracle.

Where's Cindy Lou Who when you need her?

To: Miss Procras. From: Ellie the Echo

Evidently, my car thought I was on the naughty list this year. I've kinda put her through the ringer in the two years I've owned her. Scraping her side against a pole in a parking garage , losing a hubcap by running up onto a curb, leaving her parked in D.C. to get keyed by some hoodlums....you get the idea. Ellie the Echo is not happy with me.

But, Karma's a bitch. And Ellie decided to turn the tables on me last night.

I was at Pentagon City mall for a haircut and some last-minute shopping. I returned to my car and began driving away, when I heard the tell-tale thumping sound of a flat tire. I pulled back into a parking spot and went to assess the damage.

My front passenger side tire was ridiculously flat. I'm talking, rim-touching-the-pavement flat. After talking to The Hoff, I decided to drive to the nearest gas station.

Now, if you're from the D.C. area, you know that the Pentagon City mall area is basically all shops and apartments. NO gas stations. Why they don't have any fuel near where thousands of people shop and reside is beyond me.

I was sobbing, and praying, and cursing Ellie for being a piece of shit. She couldn't care less, and continued to thump and shake more violently with each block I drove.

After two miles, I finally caught glimpse of a gas station. The blue, red and white illuminated Exxon sign never looked so good. Before I was able to pull into the station, a Hispanic gentleman pointed at my tire.

No shit, Sherlock. I feel like I'm caught in a size-6-on the Richter scale earthquake, but I thought that was normal for a car. Thanks for the heads up.

I frantically pulled up to the air machine, grabbed my wallet and exited my car. When I reached the tire this is what I saw.

Yeah, I don't think putting air into that would help.

So, I went back to the driver's side door to retrieve my phone. Door was locked. I ran around to the passenger side. Also locked. Checked my coat pockets for my keys. Only found lint and an old movie ticket stub. Glanced at the ignition and saw keys still there, swaying gleefully from side to side. (I swear they were taunting me.)

I'm sure Ellie was on cloud nine by this point.

The gas station attendant was nice enough to let me use her phone to call The Hoff and USAA's roadside assistance.

The Hoff, knight in shining armor that he is, arrived in 15 minutes and kept me from getting frostbite. Within 45 minutes, the roadside assistance crew arrived, unlocked my car and replaced the shredded heap of rubber with my spare tire.

Not only do I drive a clown car, but now I'm driving with a donut. My commute on 66 and 495 was quite interesting, since I can't drive faster than 45 mph. I felt sorry for the poor souls behind me.

Moral of the story: don't ever drive on a flat. And maybe I really need to consider moving where a car isn't a necessity.

Christmas Traditions

For me, most of my Christmas traditions revolve around movies. There are just so many good ones! I have to be infront of a film infused with cheer, magic and St. Nick while writing Christmas cards, baking cookies, decorating the tree, etc. Hell, if I could walk around with "Elf" playing as I did my shopping I totally would.

On my flight to San Diego last week, the Southwest magazine in the back seat pocket had a quiz to determine which holiday movie you needed to watch this season. I changed my answers each time so I could land on them all. Yep, I'm that much of a dork.

I present you, my must-see holiday films:

Childhood favorite; been watching this one since I was 4. It's on VHS and still has commercials on it from 1988. Remember creepy Teddy Ruxpin? He's on there, still taunting me and giving me nightmares.

Another childhood favorite on the same tape as "Muppet Family Christmas."

I saw this for the first time in my sixth grade chorus class. I was instantly hooked. Who can resist Bing Crosby's"White Christmas?"

My grandfather loved this movie. He had to watch it whenever he came to visit. Not that I blame him-it's hilarious. Now, everytime I watch it I think of him.

Pure comedic genius. The perfect remedy for holiday stress.

Why people felt it necessary to recreate this Christmas classic and put Jim Carrey in gallons of green paint and fur is beyond me.

That 24-hour marathon on TBS every Christmas Eve through Christmas Day? On the ENTIRE time at my parent's house. I always get kind of depressed when the marathon is over-it's like it signals the end of Christmas.


Will Ferrel in an elf suit, eating syrup all over spaghetti, wrecking holiday havoc in NYC. Lo and I quote this movie throughout the entire month of December. Love this movie almost as much as I love her. ALMOST.

You just feel good about life when you watch this movie. It makes the world feel like a much

What are your top Christmas flicks?

Queer Eye for the Straight Guy Chrstimas Edition

The Hoff and his roommates crack me up. They're the epitome of guy's guys. Football watching, farting, burping, beer-guzzling twenty-four year olds. And I heart them.

They've become some of my closest friends in D.C. and I couldn't ask for a better group of guys to party with and test my lackluster cooking skills on.

And I have to admit, they surprise the hell out of me. You'd think a house occupied by four 24-year-old guys would be equivalent to a frat house. But it's always decently clean.

In fact, they've got me beat on the Christmas decor front.

They purchased a well-shaped, full Frasier Fur Christmas tree (I feel like I'm describing a glass of wine or attractive person. Promise I don't have a tree fetish-ha!) Lights are strung, ornaments have been borrowed from yours truly, and the real shocker: the tree is color coded!

Only red and silver ornaments are hanging from the tree, with a few gold ones mixed in. It's like Queer Eye for the Straight Guy came through for the holidays.

See for yourselves. (Sorry the quality isn't so great, but you get the idea.)

And don't worry, that tree will have tons have presents surrounding it soon enough. They're all buying gifts for each other. Bromance at it's finest.

Senior Date Night

I just got back from San Diego last night. I was scheduled to attend a work conference Mon-Thurs, and The Hoff suggested we have a mini-vacaction and leave on Saturday since we've both never been to SD before.

I need to load more pics to give a proper recap, but let me leave you with this teaser for the weekend.

The Hoff and I went to dinner in La Jolla one night, and quickly realized we must have interrupted senior night. I'm not kidding, we were the youngest patrons there by at least 40 years.

We asked our watier, who was, surprisingly, our age, the target market of this particular establishment. He claimed it was 18-34. After looking around the restaurant, The Hoff said, "Really?"

Then he proceeded to tell us that it's a hip local spot. Ha! Maybe if by "hip" he means those who've had hip replacements.

I have to admit, I hope I turn out like the old timers sitting beside us when I'm 75. They downed at least 2 bottles of wine during dinner. Here's to retirement!

I Feel Like Ranting Today...Facebook, You're on the Chopping Block

I realize I did a post on my love/hate relationship with Facebook a few weeks ago. I guess I have a lot of pent-up hostility towards that social networking site...probably because I spend 75% of my workday stalking-err, I mean browsing-people's profiles, status updates, pictures, etc.

Though I'm signed on Monday through Friday, 9-5, I don't really do much to my own fb account. There's the once-a-week status update (I normally don't have anything very exciting to say), the happy birthday/i heart you shout outs, the rare photo change and the even more rare photo postings. (My friends really hate this one...they know any pictures I take will NEVER get posted on fb.)

Over the years, I've noticed different types of fb users start to surface. I've developed my own classification for those users that really grate my nerves.

1) The "I-only-communicate-via-Facebook" user
You know, the people who, no matter what form of communication you use to contact them (phone call, text, e-mail, letter), will ONLY reply via a facebook wall post or message.

I can understand not wanting to answer a phone call. You're on the phone all day at work, so when 5 o'clock rolls around, the phone is put on silent mode so you can spend the evening interruption-free with a bottle of merlot and Grey's reruns on Lifetime. I get it.

BUT, a text? An e-mail? Why is it so hard to respond to those? You don't even have to TALK to the person!

When facebook was invented, the other forms of communication did not suddenly become obsolete.

You think if these peeps were in a burning building they'd send a wall post or message to the Fire Dept? Hell-to-the-no! They'd be picking up a phone. The same logic can be applied to your nearest and dearest. Just sayin'

2) The "I'm-an-attention-hog" Facebook user
No, I'm not going to join your pity party of how awful your day was and how you just want to be home cuddled in bed. Every other working American feels the same way. DEAL WITH IT.

3) The "vomit-inducing" Facebook user
Oh, I just love hearing how wonderful your significant other is and how much you love them. I don't care that he/she bought you a dozen roses, gives good back rubs and sweeps you off your feet every day. Spare us all, please.

4) The "I'm-pregnant-and-it's so-awful-and-wonderful-the-same-time" Facebook user
We get it. Pregnancy is such a magical experience---feeling the baby move for the first time, baby showers... Oh wait, it actually kinda sucks. Between the back pain and the swollen feet, you just want to pop the kid out now. Um...you're the one who got knocked up. Where's that mother's glow now??

5) The invisible Facebook user
The ones who create a fb account, but never bother to upload a picture or anything else. What good are they?

Types 1-4 are infinitely more better than these fuckers. At least they give me a way to occupy my time.

I'm equally annoyed when I'm in the same network as someone but not friends with them and can't see their profile. So rude. I need to stalk you, and you're making it REALLY difficult.

If you're any of the above, don't worry, I still love you. Your facebook account just gives me something to bitch/laugh about. And don't we all need that once in a while?

Why this Thanksgiving will be so much better than previous ones

This time last year, I was gearing up to work allllll Thanksgiving weekend at the mall. Working retail on black Friday and the proceeding Saturday and Sunday is basically hell on earth served with a side of death.

Thank the sweet baby Jesus I'm done with that job and not required to arrive at 11:45 p.m. on Thanksgiving and open the store at midnight for the bargain-loving freaks who start their Christmas shopping during the wee hours of Friday morning. No sir-ee Bob! Not me. Not this year.

Instead, I'll be doing the following:

-Eating (obvi)
-Drinking (double obvi)
-Watching football
-Reading
-Catching up on sleep
-Shopping and pitying the poor souls who are stuck working retail this year

I'm equally thankful that I do not have to drive home this year. My first year living in D.C., I made the mistake of trying to drive home at 4 p.m. on Thanksgiving Eve. A 2-hour drive turned into a 5-hour, bumper-to-bumper traffic, nightmare. I quickly learned from my negligence. This year, good ol' reliable Amtrak will be chauffeuring me to Richmond. Road rage, traffic jams and a killer migraine will be replaced with a book, cocktail and relaxation.

Just a few of the things I'm thankful for this year...

Hope y'all have a fabulous Thanksgiving holiday!

Frugal Fashion Finds

I have a slight love affair with scarves. The perfect complement to any outfit, they add color and flair to an otherwise boring outfit. And the fact that they are no longer confined to the winter months makes them even more fabulous in my book

As much as I love this must-have accessory, I refuse to spend more than $30 on one. Call me cheap, but I just can't stomach emptying my wallet for 2+ yards of fringed fabric.

Here are some of my favorites-all under $30, of course.

Keep these versatile staples on hand year after year. They pair well with a multitude of outfits and can double as a wrap.

Lori's Gathered Cowl-Taupe $22 (also available in grey)

Gena Accessories Crinkle Blue Scarf $18

Merona Solid Wrap $12.99 (Available in ivory, angus pink, black, teal, grey, tan, green, red)

Slip on one of these knock-outs and instantly spice-up any plain-white-tee-and-jeans combo.

TOPSHOP Pasiley Printed Scarf $24

Old Navy Fringed Jacquard Scarf $19.50 (Shown in pink also available in green)

Roxy Lightweight Printed Scarf $24 (Shown in black escapade, also available in sea green)

dELiA*s Tiana Scarf $14.50

G by GUESS Charmed Scarf $14.50

For nights on the town when some extra oomph is an absolute-must, try these glamorous accent pieces.

White House Black Market Velvet Textured Wrap $19.99

Ann Taylor Loft Sequin Scarf $29.50

Gena Accesories Sequin Wrap $22

And of course I can't forget the scarf's main purpose for being. With winter approaching, I've already got my eye on some comfy numbers that will keep my Southern ass from freezing.

Charlotte Russe Pom Pom Pocket Knit Scarf $9.99

TOPSHOP Superfluffy Scarf $22 (shown in grey, also availble in nude)

Merona Cashmere Scarf $24.99(shown in pink, also available in white, black, charcoal, grey)

Turning the negative into positive

Yesterday, I was gathering some items off the copier at work, when a co-worker turned around and asked if I had gained weight. I'll refer to her as NN (for Negative Nancy) because she's seriously the most glass-half-empty-person I've ever met.

I was embarrassed, shocked, appalled, and could only muster "uhhh...I don't know" as a response. She then told me it looks good.

Backhanded comment much?

Truth be told, I've never been one to obsess over my weight-I've pretty much always eaten what I want and not worried about it.

Still, I feel like I have put on a few pounds lately. My pants are fitting more snugly-so snug that I end up unbuttoning them halfway through the workday to get comfortable. And my tight-fitting tops have relegated to the back of my closet to avoid accentuating my muffin top.

I've tried to brush the negative thoughts and self-criticisms aside. You're your own worst critic, after all. But, to have someone else confirm the insecurities I have about my body and weight makes me feel like maybe it's not all in my head.

So, I've been torturing myself with the what-ifs as to why my body is suddenly changing.

-I just turned 25, and have always heard that your body starts acting differently when you hit that milestone. Maybe my metabolism has slowed down.

-I've been watching wayyyyyy too many episodes of "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant." So even though I'm on the pill and even though I've been getting my period every month, part of my still agonizes that I could be like the freaks of nature on that show and randomly pop out a kid at a campsite or fast food restaurant. (Yes, that actually happened on the show.)

But the comment gave me motivation to do something about it. I went to the exercise room in my apartment complex for the first time since I moved, did some cardio and sit-ups, and made myself tilapia, rice and peas for dinner. (I also indulged in a glass of red wine and a piece of Ghiradelli dark chocolate, but both of those are supposed to be good for you.)

When I got to work this morning, I told another co-worker what NN said. She told me that NN said the same thing to another girl in my office - right before her wedding! And this other girl she "critiqued" is probably the most physically fit person in our office.

What woman comments on another woman's weight? AND what woman has the audacity to say something so hurtful before one of the most important days in a woman's life, when that woman has been working so hard to look perfect!

A very sad, insecure, lonely woman that's who.

I kind of want to bitch her out. But mostly, I feel sorry for her. So maybe I'll just thank her for giving me incentive and motivation to take better care of my body.

I forgot how good it feels to work out, so hopefully I can be disciplined and keep up a regular exercise routine. Take that, NN!

My Friends Love Me

I'm lucky I have super understanding friends who love me regardless of my habitual tendency to arrive at least 15 minutes late to EVERYTHING.

Since my nearest and dearest have learned to accept this trait about me, this also means they have an endless amount of ammunition.

Some recent zings:

I was getting ready to go out with Just Jack one Saturday night. One hour before he was supposed to come over, I still needed to clean, shower and eat dinner (at least 2 hours worth of things to accomplish). After cleaning, finding a perfect outfit for the night and grabbing some Natty Lite with JJ for pregaming, I let him know how close I was to getting ready. We were due to leave, like 10 minutes ago.

Me: So, don't hate me, but I still need to shower.

Just Jack: WHAT?! Get your ass in the shower, now. I'm giving you 20 minutes.

At my friends wedding last weekend, I was talking to my group of high school friends about when I'd be home for Thanksgiving.

Me: I'm taking the train, and I'll get into Richmond at 9 p.m. the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.

Friend: So that means we can expect you out at midnight?

Same location, rehashing the ceremony/reception the night before.

Friend: Miss Procras., I was saving a seat at the ceremony for you and The Hoff, and I kept looking around for you, thinking "Leave it to Miss Procras. to be late somewhere she's already at."

Recent gchat convo

Friend: tell me something that will get me motivated to get up and go run

Me: ha! i don't think i can help you with that one. you know miss procras.=epitome of laziness

Friend: touche. but i would say miss procras.= epitome of lateness, not laziness

Me: yes, that would be more accurate

If I haven't said it to you lately, thank you for putting up with me.

Random Friday Fun

The totally awesome and rad SG tagged me to fill out this questionnaire. I'm honored - it's my first tag!

What is the thing that makes you happy?
Can't name just one. So here's a bunch: Happy hours with friends, a frosty Coors Light, Nordstrom half-yearly sales, my Pomeranian, a Steelers or JMU football victory, sleeping in, Lifetime movie marathons and whenever I hear a Britney Spears song. I'm easily pleased.

Coffee or tea?
I'm a southern girl - so I have to go with tea. Iced-cold, homemade, sweet tea. And I heart chai tea lattes.

What's for dinner?
Depends on if I've done grocery shopping that week. But I'm trying to be good and not go out as much, so probably chicken or pasta in some form.

What was the last thing you bought?
A birthday card for a friend.

What are you listening to right now?
My car has no CD player, and I have yet to download songs onto the iPod I received four Christmases ago. So whatever I can find on the radio - which tends to be Lady Gaga or the Blackeyed Peas these days. Damn you, mainstream radio and your 10 songs on repeat.

What is your favourite piece of clothing in your wardrobe?
Banana Republic t-shirts (long or short-sleeved). They are so soft and comfortable!

What is your favourite ice cream flavor?
Mint chocolate chip. I'm slightly obsessed.

What do you think of the person(s) who tagged you?
I heart SG! One of the first bloggers I started reading and who started commented on my blog. Seems like a badass chica I'd love to grab cocktails with.

If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
Disney World! Kidding. I think I'd go with Greece. I've always wanted to go there.

Which language do you want to learn?
Dutch and German. My grandmother is Dutch and my grandfather is German. I think it'd be cool to be able to speak the languages of the countries that make up my ancestry.

What is your favourite color?
Purple. Luckily, that was one of my college's colors. I own wayyyy more purple t-shirts than one person ever should.

If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?
Wine, shoes and a pedicure. Pure bliss.

What is your favorite animal?
Cheetahs. They're so cute and cuddly...and also pretty ferocious.

Describe your personal style.
Classic. With some touches of vintage and trendy thrown into the mix.

What are you going to do after this?
Eat lunch, surf the web and pray that the next few hours of work fly by.

What are your favorite movies?
Clueless, Red Dragon, The Pelican Brief, A Time to Kill, Shawshank Redemption, Enchanted, Pretty Woman, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, 13 Going on 30, Steel Magnolias, Gone with the Wind.

What inspires you?
Authors of all kinds - song writers, bloggers, poets, novelists; my friends; my grandmother.

What is your favorite fruit?
Cantaloupe with a little bit of salt. I take all nutritional value out of fruit and vegetables by adding salt, sugar, butter, cream - you name it.

Do you collect something?
Shoes, handbags and books. I write notes in the margins of every book I read, so I find it impossible to part with any of them.

How many hours do you sleep a day?
You don't want to be around me if I've gotten less than 8. On Veteran's Day, I slept 12 hours. It was glorious.

How many times do you press the snooze button before you get up?
If the alarm means I have to get up for work, then at least five. For anything else, once or zero.

What is your favorite smell?
The Hoff's cologne, baked bread, cinnamon, my grandparent's house (it doesn't smell musty and old, I promise).

What is your biggest regret?
Not studying abroad in college, or backpacking through Europe right after graduation.

What are you most proud of?
Where I'm at right now in my life. Six months ago, I never thought it was possible to be where I am today.

Cats or dogs?
This is a hard one for me. I grew up with cats, and then we got a dog when I was 15. I love them both, but I think I'd have to go with dogs.

What is your biggest fashion mistake?
Oh dear god. In elementary school, I did some terrible things to my hair. Think body perms and super-short hair cuts. Not cute. In middle school, I'd have to say my biggest fashion faux pas were those big chunky jelly shoes. Ever notice how those things seem to resurface in some form year after year? WHY??!! I didn't fare much better in high school with my body glitter and leopard print and black pleather pants. SEXY.

What is your guilty TV pleasure?
Lifetime movies, Snapped, Bridezilla

What did you want to be when you grew up?
First it was a doctor, then an animal biologist. When I realized I suck at math and science, those dreams crashed and burned.

If you could meet one person, dead or alive, who would it be?
Emily Giffin

What is your biggest dream?
To love and be loved.

What was your favorite book when you were a child?
The Giving Tree, Polar Express, Dr. Seuss books

If today was your last day on earth, what would you be doing?
I'd be freaking out and having a major panic attack. Then, I'd summon Bruce Willis to come save the world like he did in Armageddon. I honestly hate thinking about stuff like this, which is why I refuse to see anymore end-of-the-world movies. 2012? Yeah, I'll pass. If I had to chose, I'd honestly just want to be eating my favorite foods, surrounded by my favorite people. And then lie in the arms of my soulmate. (Yeah, I'm cheesy, I know.)

If you could have any super power, what would it be?
I've always wanted to be like Samantha in "Bewitched." Does that count as one super power? I think it should. So I'll stick with that.

If you joined the circus, what act would you perform?
Animal trainer. Except I'd probably train hamsters instead of tigers to be on the safe side.

Why did you start your blog?
To do some form of creative writing on a regular basis, laugh at myself and stay connected with friends I can't see on a regular basis (Hi Lo, SayJo and 804s!)

My contribution: What thing in your room best describes you?

And I feel like a dork, but I don't know many bloggers well enough to tag them, so I'm going to tag Just Jack.

Oh, and I will be a post-writing machine this weekend so I can update you on a recent occurences. Expect mucho posts next week! :)

Frugal Fashion Finds

It's been a few weeks since I've done one of these, so I figured it was time for another. That, and I'm really excited about the AMAZING deal I got this past week weekend on a dress for my friends wedding.

I wanted a deep purple dress. I found one at Macy's that I LOVED, but was reluctant to buy because of the price tag. (It was orginally $124, marked down to $74, but my budget was $50.) I put the dress on hold, and spent the next two hours scouring the rack of my go-to stores: Ann Taylor, Banana Republic, Nordstrom, Express, The Limited, Forever 21.

Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

Three hours at the mall and I had nothing to show for it. Most depressing feeling EVER. I went back to Macy's and tried on the dress again. I figured since it fit perfectly and was the exact color I wanted, it was worth splurging.

Upon examinig the dress for imperfections (as every fashionista should), I noticed two small, barely-noticeable snags. Bingo! My golden ticket to a 10% discount. (That's typically the most stores will offer on damaged merchandise.)

I did a little happy dance, and made my way to the cash register. I was right, the most they would offer me is 10% off and it would be a final sale. Done and done. It's not like I want to return the dress, anyway.

The cashier rang up the dress, and when I looked down at the subtotal, it said $39.00.

My mouth dropped. The Hoff elbowed me to hide my expression so the cashier wouldn't think it was a mistake.

I don't think I've ever been so estatic about a purchase. I get the dress I loved AND stayed $10 under my budget!

I couldn't find the dress online in the color I bought, but here is is in black.

Ralph Lauren Jersey Halter Dress

Sick Day Revelation

Recap coming as soon as I get my lazy ass around to loading pictures onto my computer. And by my computer I mean The Hoff's. (Mine doesn't have internet access at the moment.)

So, instead, I'm going to write about something that doesn't require the use of yet-to-be-uploaded photos.

In between naps, I spent my sick days watching such greats as "Sex and the City," "27 Dresses," and "Marley and Me." Fortunately for me, Cinemax and HBO had them on repeat.

During the scene in "27 Dresses" when Sexy McSexface (aka James Marsden...loved him since "Second Noah" - you're my instant soul mate if you remember that show) is trying to get Katherine Heigl to say "no" to people, I realized I'm a lot like her character.

Let's take a moment to embrace the hotness that is James Marsden....

::swoon::

::faint::

Okay, back to my point.....

I definitely lack the assertiveness gene.

This may be why I've had two, yes TWO co-workers ask to borrow money from me. And not $.65 for a coke or $3.99 for a happy meal. I'm talking $50-100.

So, much like Katherine Heigl's character, I meekly responded that I'm sorry, but I can't loan them money. Luckily, these people asked me via text or im and not face-to-face.

What I really wanted to ask them way if they'd lost their G.D. mind and to work the oh-so-lucrative street corner if they're so hard up for cash. Of course, I'd have to say this in a diplomatic, don't-report-me-to-HR, I'd-really-like-to-keep-my-job sort-of way.

But seriously, to be asked to borrow that amount of money from co-workers? I must be doing something wrong.

And then I realized, I did the same thing in relationships. I never spoke my mind or made demands.

I wanted to be the cool, laid-back girlfriend. So if something bothered me, I just kept my mouth shut.

Until recently.

After my epiphany a few months ago, I've learned its okay to say what I want.

To name a few: I need date nights once a week, help with the dishes after I cook (and to have dinner cooked for me) and a kiss on my forehead before I go to sleep.

And you know what? The Hoff's still here.

So my expectations must not be that unreasonable.

If I can do this in one of the most important relationships in my life, I can certainly apply it toward others.

My new mantra:

No more worrying about what people think.

Time to be me, with no apologies or regrets.

Easier said than done, but I'll get there.

Nobody Likes a Mr. (or Miss) Sniffles

I want to give y'all a recap of the past 10 days. I really, really want to.

But I can't breathe, my head feels like it's about to explode and I'm hacking up a lung.

Basically, I'm dying.

And I just don't have it in me to type a proper recap post.

Once I'm feeling halfway human again (hopefully tomorrow), I'll update you on my recent shananigans.

Until then, I'll be snuggled under 5 blankets with a cup of green tea and a bowl of chicken pho.

You can take the girl out of the honky tonk, but you can't take the honky tonk out of the girl

So, we all know I am incapable of getting places on time and wait until the last minute to do anything.

But, last week, I attended a....

wait for it...

wait for it...

...time management seminar.

I'm still reeling at the irony of a blogger by the name of Miss Procras. listening to a lecture negating the very essence that is her being.

Was I late to this 6-hour class about managing priorities and juggling multiple projects?

Of course - by my standard 15 minutes. (I had a little mishap with a school bus - more on that later.)

Did I learn anything?

Surprisingly, yes. Wish I had taken this class in college to learn some of the prioritzation tactics the instructor taught us.

Listen to these fun facts spouted off during the seminar:

-The average American reads 220-240 words/minute; comprehends 30% of what they read and memorizes 40%.
-All living U.S. Presidents have taking a speed reading course with the exception of one. I think you call all guess who that is.
-Living U.S. President with the fastest reading speed? The cigar-shoving, dress-staining, sax playing Cassanova - he can read something crazy like 1550 words/minute.

I now have a new goal in life: to beat ol' Willy's reading speed. It can be my super power.

But my favorite part of the class was the quote to combat procrastination:

"If you wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is eat a live frog, it's probably going to be the worst thing you do all day, so the rest of the day is probably going to get better." -Mark Twain

I get your point, Marky Mark, but I don't tend to eat live frogs very often. The following streams of logic are much more my speed, anyway.

"The two rules of procrastination: 1) Do it today. 2) Tomorrow will be today tomorrow. "- Unknown

"I was late to work, so I'm leaving early. I don't want to be late twice in the same day. "- Unknown. Now THAT is what I call being time efficient.

(I like how both those authors chose to remain anonymous. Guess they actually care about their reputations, unlike me.)

You're so right, Brooks & Dunn, you CAN'T take the honky tonk out of the girl. But in my case honky tonk = lackadaisicalness.

Side note: Tomorrow, I'm off to the Bahamas for a few days with The Hoff, then to a work conference in Boston, so I won't be posting much the next week. I'll be on 5 flights in 9 days...hopefully, I can utilize the ounce of self-disclipline I have to get to the airport on time.

Have a fabulous weekend, loves!

Boy Logic Makes Zero Sense

Before I go off on my tangent, I have to apologize for my negligence in posting. This week has been pretty intense - I'll explain later. And I know I normally post my frugal fashion finds on Friday (holy alliteration, batman!), but I just don't have it in me today.

So, I'll just vent to my fantabulous blog readers about The Hoff and his way of thinking.

You see, The Hoff needs a new car. He is currently driving a 1998 Toyota Camry, lovingly referred to as Tonya, the green monster. It's got quite a few dings (pictures to come soon) and malfunctions-i.e. the security system is shot to hell and randomly goes off while he's driving. I like to think of these as artistic flair.

In the glorious state of Virginia, state inspections are required once a year, and in Northern Virginia, emissions inspections are required every two years. Poor ol' Tonya won't pass either without $1300 worth of work done. She's worth $1500-$1900. Obviously, it's time for a new car.

The Hoff was expecting this and has been looking at cars already. And, he's hell bent on getting a BMW.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't understand the appeal of luxury cars, or cars in general. The minute you drive them off the lot, their value depreciates by thousands of dollars. More than likely, it's going to get scratched, dinged, damaged, etc., so why pour so much money into something you won't make any money off of??!!

I've tried to reason with him:

Me: I just don't get why you don't look into a Toyota, Honda, Nissan, etc.
The Hoff: I've wanted a BMW my whole life. I'm 24, I don't have any responsibilities, it's the perfect time to get one.
Me: I've wanted a pair of Jimmy Choos my whole life. I'm 25, my legs will never look like this again-I may as well invest in some stilettos to accentuate them. But, why should I spend $1000 on Jimmy Choos when I can get the same effect on a $65 pair from Nine West?
The Hoff: Go ahead and get them then.

This, coming from the guy who rants and raves that he doesn't understand why girls need so many shoes, purses, etc. Yet, a luxury car is justifiable.

I'm throwing in the towel. I've tried to be the voice of reason, but there's just no getting through. Luckily, I'll have something to throw in his face when I go on my next shoe shopping spree.

The Hoff may have won the battle, but I will win the war! :)

Frugal Fashion Finds

The fashion bible says that day dresses are a must-have for fall. I agree. Comfortable, easy to throw on for a girl like me who is never on time, and can transition flawlessly from day to night - a practical addition to any wardrobe.

Old Navy Women's Tie-Front Flutter-Sleeve Dress

THE LIMITED Pleat Detail Dress

New York & Company City Style Belted Ruffle Print Shirtdress

Calvin Klein Roll Neck Ponte Knit Dress (at Nordstrom)

Jessica Howard Belted Dress (at Dillard's)

Calvin Klein Belted Dress (at Dillard's)

Sangria Y-Collar Short Missy Dress (at Target)

EXPRESS Cowl-Neck Sweater Dress

THE LIMITED Draped Waist Dress

I'm not sure this constitutes as a day dress, but I'm slightly obsessed so I'm adding it to the list anyway.

Adriana Papell Ruffle Front Sheath Dress (at Nordstrom)

Oh, and head to Macy's through this Saturday to stock up on boots, pumps and flats. They are having a HUGE SHOE SALE!

Real Men Drink Mike's Hard Lemonade

This weekend, The Hoff and I made a spontaneous trip to Baltimore so he could see his beloved Red Sox hand it to the Orioles.

I like going to baseball games, but I get bored pretty easily and have to find other ways to entertain myself. America's favorite pasttime may be baseball, but mine is definitely people watching.

During the third inning, I looked a few rows in front of me and saw a 40-year old man chugging Mike's Hard Lemonade. 1) I didn't know they served such things at ballparks and 2) I didn't think that anyone over the age of 16 drank Mike's.

I tried to give the guy the benefit of the doubt, and thought maybe he was just in the mood to lose his manhood and self-respect in exchange for the nauseatingly sweet taste of hard lemonade. But a few innings later, I heard him call up to his friend, already at the top of the stairs, to grab him another Mike's. Clearly, this guy has no shame.

Next thing I knew, he was double-fisting a strawberry daiquiri along with his Mike's. One would think that his friends would give him so much shit that he's feel forced to switch to a more manlier beverage, but oh no - his compadres were knocking those bad boys back along with him. If that doesn't scream "bad ass," I don't know what does.

Of course, I had to document this spectacle. It was too hilarious not to share. Think of it as a "Where's Waldo" scenairo, except look for the guy with Fonzie-like greasy hair, wearing a long-sleeved gray t-shirt and leaning over his seat seductively with a Mike's in hand.

Speaking of the Red Sox, check out this clip from Jennifer Garner's appearance on Leno the other night. Now she is badass...and I doubt she'd be caught dead drinking Mike's.

Back Where I Come From...

I grew up in a suburb of Richmond, Virginia. I love my hometown. People are friendly, sweet tea is served everywhere by the gallon and life is a bit more slow-paced than up here in D.C.

But poor ol' R.I.C. doesn't have the best reputation. Here are some of our claims to fame - or shame I guess would be more appropriate:

1) Capital of the Confederacy

2) Host of two big Nascar races (I've actually heard these are good, drunken fun.)

3) Highest murder rate per capita

4) Headquarters of Phillip Morris

5) Location of the Michael Vick trial

I promise, the majority of us are upstanding, law-abiding non-rednecks.

Now, we can add another winner to the list. Chris Brown is, as we speak, picking up trash in my beloved stomping grounds.

Watch this video.

Punk-a-rellie (as my dad likes to refer to douchebags) is carrying on like he's having the time of his life while serving a court-ordered punishment for assaulting his girlfriend.

And apparently this is national news-People and the LA Times are just some of the few that think this is worthy of being reported.

I just love how Richmond only makes headlines when dog killers and girlfriend beaters are in town.

Hopefully Mr. Brown will be long gone by next Friday when I'm back in the 804.

iPhones Are Whores

The Hoff and his roommates enrolled in the AT&T Family Plan so they could all get iPhones.

Let's all say it together now: AWWWWW

In all seriousness, it was a pretty genius idea. They are all paying less than they were with individual plans. Let's just hope they remain as close as the Bradys throughout the length of the contract.

And I have to admit, I sort of heart the iPhone. Even though it has been the source of some lovers' quarrels.

Quarrel #1:
I asked my friend, Queen, who has had an iPhone for quite some time, what apps I should download onto The Hoff's phone. She recommended "Sally's Beauty Spa." It's basically a time management came where you tell Sally, the spa owner, in which area of the spa she should be working. Some clientele are more patient and higher tippers than others (like in the real world), and if they get pissed off for poor service, they storm out and throw merchandise around.

I can play this game for hours - much to the chagrin of The Hoff. After two hours of being so trasnfixed in spa land and oblivous to anything going on around me, the Hoff said: "Now I know how girls feel like when guys play video games."

Major milestone for women achieved without even trying. I. AM. AWESOME.

Quarrel #2:
I found a free wine tasting going on in Georgetown on the Washington Post's Going out Guide, so The Hoff and I decided to check it out. I vaguely read directions on how to get to the restaurant, but didn't write down the address or directions. I just assumed we could use GPS on The Hoff's iPhone to find our way.

He was not pleased I didn't come prepared. Um...when are men ever prepared??!!

It didn't help that AT&T has craptastic service and it took 15 minutes for googlemaps to load.

Thirty minutes later, we finally made it. All was right in the world by our second glass of wine.

Quarrel #3:
A few days later, The Hoff and I were venturing to another location in the city we had never been, aka we'd get miserably lost without specific walking directions.

The Hoff: Did you print out directions?
Me: No, I just thought we could use your iPhone.
(I actually had printed off directions, I just like to get The Hoff exasperated for comedic value.)
The Hoff: Miss Procras., my iPhone is not a whore! She's not available whenever you want her!
Me: BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I'm sure there will be many more of these throughout the iPhone's existence.

Frugal Fashion Finds

I picked up the newest issue of InStyle the other day and holy magazine gods was it heavy. 500 pages of fall fashion for me to ooh and aah over. I almost fainted in the checkout line. (Side note: Does anyone else read the last page of the magazine first? I'm incapable of reading from front to back like normal people.)

Anyway, I immediately started flipping through, and noticed that cardigans are listed as one of the 'fall fashion must-haves.' Obviously, I won't be purchasing a $600 3.1 Phillip Lim oversize sweater, so I decided to compile my own list.

Short cardigans are perfect for mild temperatures. And they don't have to be confined to one season. Once cold air moves in, add a long sleeve shirt for extra warmth.

TOPSHOP Knitted Wrap Cardigan

TOPSHOP Knitted Chunky Short Cardigan

TOPSHOP Knitted Shoulder Cardigan

EXPRESS Strong Shoulder Cardigan Sweater

If your office is like mine, you need a sweater no matter what the thermometer reads. These will keep you warm and add some fun to your business attire.

EXPRESS Crew Cardigan Sweater-Polka Dots

New York & Company City Style Dip-Dye Argyle Cardigan

I'm slightly obsessed with this extra-long sweaters. They are so comfortable and versatile. I love pairing them with skinny jeans and flats.

Mossimo Black: Ultrasoft Boyfriend Cardigan

New York and Company City Style Long Cardigan

Forever 21 Extended Length Cardigan

Open front cardigans are perfect for going out. Throw a strappy tanks underneath and stay warm while still looking sexy.

EXPRESS Elbow Sleeve Flyaway Cardigan

EXPRESS Flyaway Cardigan Hoodie

Nordstrom Absolutely Cotton Open Pointelle Cardigan

I love this new spin on the sweater coat. So chic.

EXPRESS Military Sweater Coat

Be sure to check out Instyle.com for hundreds of cardigans in a variety of styles and prices.