I Feel Like Ranting Today...Facebook, You're on the Chopping Block

I realize I did a post on my love/hate relationship with Facebook a few weeks ago. I guess I have a lot of pent-up hostility towards that social networking site...probably because I spend 75% of my workday stalking-err, I mean browsing-people's profiles, status updates, pictures, etc.

Though I'm signed on Monday through Friday, 9-5, I don't really do much to my own fb account. There's the once-a-week status update (I normally don't have anything very exciting to say), the happy birthday/i heart you shout outs, the rare photo change and the even more rare photo postings. (My friends really hate this one...they know any pictures I take will NEVER get posted on fb.)

Over the years, I've noticed different types of fb users start to surface. I've developed my own classification for those users that really grate my nerves.

1) The "I-only-communicate-via-Facebook" user
You know, the people who, no matter what form of communication you use to contact them (phone call, text, e-mail, letter), will ONLY reply via a facebook wall post or message.

I can understand not wanting to answer a phone call. You're on the phone all day at work, so when 5 o'clock rolls around, the phone is put on silent mode so you can spend the evening interruption-free with a bottle of merlot and Grey's reruns on Lifetime. I get it.

BUT, a text? An e-mail? Why is it so hard to respond to those? You don't even have to TALK to the person!

When facebook was invented, the other forms of communication did not suddenly become obsolete.

You think if these peeps were in a burning building they'd send a wall post or message to the Fire Dept? Hell-to-the-no! They'd be picking up a phone. The same logic can be applied to your nearest and dearest. Just sayin'

2) The "I'm-an-attention-hog" Facebook user
No, I'm not going to join your pity party of how awful your day was and how you just want to be home cuddled in bed. Every other working American feels the same way. DEAL WITH IT.

3) The "vomit-inducing" Facebook user
Oh, I just love hearing how wonderful your significant other is and how much you love them. I don't care that he/she bought you a dozen roses, gives good back rubs and sweeps you off your feet every day. Spare us all, please.

4) The "I'm-pregnant-and-it's so-awful-and-wonderful-the-same-time" Facebook user
We get it. Pregnancy is such a magical experience---feeling the baby move for the first time, baby showers... Oh wait, it actually kinda sucks. Between the back pain and the swollen feet, you just want to pop the kid out now. Um...you're the one who got knocked up. Where's that mother's glow now??

5) The invisible Facebook user
The ones who create a fb account, but never bother to upload a picture or anything else. What good are they?

Types 1-4 are infinitely more better than these fuckers. At least they give me a way to occupy my time.

I'm equally annoyed when I'm in the same network as someone but not friends with them and can't see their profile. So rude. I need to stalk you, and you're making it REALLY difficult.

If you're any of the above, don't worry, I still love you. Your facebook account just gives me something to bitch/laugh about. And don't we all need that once in a while?

Facebook + Relationships = Trouble

I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. At best, I'd consider us frenemies.

Sure, it provides hours of distraction at work and keeps you connected to faraway friends, but it also raises added complications, especially when relationships are concerned.

1) Can relationships actually start from a Facebook encounter?

Witness dialogue from “He’s Just Not That Into You:”
Mary: He MySpaced me.
Nathan: Ouch!
Mary: Oh.
Joshua: Oh girl I don't know about that... My trampy little sister says MySpace is the new booty call.

2) Is it absolutely vital to confirm your relationship on Facebook?

3) What about when you break up? Is it best to delete an ex from your friend list?

4) If you stay Facebook friends, is it healthy to: sneak a peek at an ex’s profile, pics, status; send messages occasionally? What’s proper Facebook ex etiquette?

When I apply these questions to my own life, I wonder – am I going about this Facebook relationship thing all wrong?

1) The night I met The Hoff, I scurried off before he could ask for my number to avoid an awkward goodbye. I obviously wanted him to ask for my number, but I didn’t want him to know that. To my surprise, I got a friend request and FB message from him the next day. Guess this refutes the logic of Facebook communication = booty call.

2) I never confirmed a relationship on Facebook until I started dating The Hoff. And even then, I didn’t confirm it until we had been together almost a year.

I just don’t understand people who feel the need to broadcast their love and devotion all over Facebook. It makes me want to vomit all over my screen reading about how perfect someone’s boyfriend/husband is and how they can’t wait to see them in 2.75 hours.

The Hoff’s roommates used to joke that The Hoff and I weren’t in a real relationship since we weren’t even confirmed on FB. Since when does a social networking site determine how real your relationship is?

I think that’s bullshit- you can absolutely be in a loving, committed relationship without advertising it. Though I will admit, it does prevent certain former flings from contacting you, thinking you are single, when they can easily check your relationship status.

3) My most recent ex is still on my friends list. We didn’t have a nasty breakup or anything, so it didn’t seem necessary to delete him.

4) I have to admit, I do check out my recent ex’s profile/pics/status updates everyone once in a while. He has a new girlfriend and a new job, and I have to admit, it does sting a little to read that and feel like I know nothing about a person that I used to know everything about. But I can’t stop myself from looking.

It makes me wonder if that nagging feeling of knowing your ex is with someone else ever goes away. And if not, is it really healthy to keep him on my friends list and have a constant reminder that I’m no longer a part of his life? And if I do delete him and he realizes it, will I look like pathetic and immature?

I think as new technologies emerge, we have to create new rules and boundaries for ourselves. Like with cell phones, I have a few friends who will file a girlfriend’s number under their recent ex’s name so that even if they drunk dial him, they’ll reach someone who can cheer them up. (Of course this doesn’t help if you know the bastard’s number by heart.)

I have a feeling by the time I get my personal Facebook etiquette system down pat, something else will come along that I have to figure out all over again.

So I'm curious-what are your Facebook relationship rules? How do you think relationships should be handled on social networking sites?