Monday, May 16, 2011

The New 30 - 60 Day Rule

Is it just me, or is that stupid 3-day rule guys follow increasing exponentially?

I'm not talking by days, or even weeks. I'm talking MONTHS.

Seriously, under what realm of logic do men (at least, the ones I've had the pleasure of befriending) think it's completely acceptable to contact a girl in thirty-to-sixty day increments?

I don't know if it's the warmer temperatures, budding flowers or just the fact that women are now rocking tank tops, skirts and sundresses, but I've received texts from THREE different men in the span of a week who I haven't heard from in at least a month.

And frankly, I'm pretty pissed about it.

Not because I still care about any of these losers, but because it makes me wonder what vibes I am giving off to suggest I'm okay with this type of treatment?

For the sake of a few laughs, let's review the "love notes" I've received over the past week.

Bachelor #1

Quick overview: Personal trainer at a local gym. Met at a bar. Exchanged numbers, texted and talked on the phone the night we met for an hour. Hung out a few days later. I invited him to my apartment, told myself I would not sleep with him but we all know what ended up happening. The next morning, he said he would call me later. That was April 5.

On May 6, I received the following string of texts:

B1: Psst...

An hour passes.

B1: No?

Another hour passes.

B1: Psst...

I wanted to text him back and say: "Look dude, I know I slept with you the first time we hung out, but I don't want to be on your booty call list." But then I thought that would make it look like I still gave a shit.

One of my friends said I should just respond with: "Who is this?" Tempting, and somewhat gives me the upper hand, but that would just instigate futher communication. And I do not want anything to do with this guy.

I should have known he was bad news. His first name is Damion. You know what image comes to mind when I hear that name? That sadistic devil-child from "The Omen."

Bachelor #2

Quick overview: From Texas (that's about all I can remember about him). Met at a bar. Talked for a while before I called it an early night. Exchanged numbers. This was on April 16.

On May 14, (Hey - look at that! He wins the prize for least amount of time lapsed between contact. Only 28 days! Maybe he's a keeper...) I received the following text at 7pm:

B2: Hi Katherine!

I didn't save this guy's number back in April. (I never save a boy's number until I start receiving regular communication from him. This saves me from a) wasting storage space in my phone and b) being tempted to text him at 1 a.m when I'm wasted.) Obviously, I had no clue who the hell was texting me, but I assumed it was the guy I had met this past Saturday night, so I responded.

Me: Hey how's it going?

B2: It's going r you? What r u up 2 tonight?

(For the record, I DETEST this many abbreviations in a text. You are a GROWN MAN, not a 13-year-old girl. B2 was already losing major points, but I was also hoping I could figure out who the hell he was.)

Me: Not too bad, just getting off of work. I'm going to a house party in Arlington. What about you?

B2: Gonna go to a bar in Arlington.

Me: Oh nice. You know which one?

One hour later, at approximately 12:45 a.m...

B2: Spider Kelly's

(Aww...where we first met! How poetic.)

B2: Come!

Unfortunately for B2, I didn't check my phone while at the house party so I could not join him on the lovely rendezvous I'm sure took him weeks to plan.

The next morning when I sobered up enough to think with 1/4 of my brain capacity, I was able to confirm his identity by checking my call log from a month ago.

I wonder if he'll wait another 28 days to contact me...

Coincedence that both these douches have connections to horror films? I think not.

Bachelor #3

Quick overview: You may remember this charmer from this post a while back. Even after that horrendous date, I continued to repsond to his texts and calls, which were still frequent. Problem was, he never initiated coming up here to visit and take me out. He always asked when I'd be back in Richmond and wanted me to drop everything to hang out with him. I was annoyed, over it and relieved when he didn't text me for almost two months.

Then, two weeks ago, he sent me this:

B3: How is it going?

Four days later...

B3: Really?

That was sent after midnight on a Friday night. I didn't get it until I woke up at 9 a.m. Saturday morning. The same time I saw the texts from B1. Needless to say, I was was not in the mood for his nonsense.

Me: I'm not really sure what "really?" is all about, but after not talking to me for 2 months, you really shouldn't expect a response.

B3: I wasn't ignoring you. I haven't heard anything from you either...

Me: Just kinda felt like things fizzled out. No harm, no foul. But please don't randomly text me once every couple months and expect me to respond. I need and deserve more than that.

I won't bore you with the rest. But, I basically got a bunch of shit excuses as to why he waited so long to contact me, while also blaming me for not rearranging my schedule every time I was in town.

Then, he asked if we could hang out again.

I didn't respond for a few days, hoping he'd get the hint, though this guy has the intelligence of a pile of rocks so I should have known he wouldn't. A few days later, he kinda reamed me out, saying that he thought we were at least friends and I shouldn't ignore him.

After shaking my head/banging my forehead against my desk a few times/laughing my ass off, I essentially told him that we were never really friends and I got that feeling that he was going through a dry spell and wanthing to rekindle our hookup sessions, which I was not interested in.

After all that, he still asked if he could treat me to dinner.

Wow...just wow.

And the best part about all this is, he couldn't shell out $30 to buy me food and drinks when we were kinda/sorta dating, but now that I will barely talk to him, he suddenly wants to take me out?

This guy is either the biggest douche in the world or really just that stupid.

Have no fear, though - I still got to see B3 again. I'm not sure if it was just a weird twist of fate or the dating gods just wanted a good laugh, but I ran into him at a bar in Richmond on Sunday afternoon.

Of course, he sauntered on over and tried to talk to me. I made zero effort to carry on a conversation and leaned as far back in my chair as I avoid getting too close to this dude. Then, I downed about three shots because it seemed like the right thing to do at the time.

Hello, Sunday funday!

Unfortunately, I don't have no horror movie to compare him to (his stupidity, is laughable, not frightening), but he does remind me of this little guy:


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