Monday, July 1, 2013
Friday, November 2, 2012
...an avid reader
...a graduate student
...a hopeless romantic
...a believer in fate
...an animal lover
...a tattoo enthusiast
...a Christian, though I am starting to see myself as more spiritual than religious
...quickly approaching 30 and growing increasingly terrified that I'll never get married, but I refuse to let a guy or a relationship define me
...an extrovert, though I also believe solitude is an essential part of life
...torn deciding whether tiramisu, key lime pie, or pumpkin bars with cream cheese frosting is my favorite dessert (three-way tie?)
...just as happy at the beach or in the mountains. Both are equally comforting to me.
...flexible and able to go with the flow - sometimes plans change, and that's where the beauty of spontaneity comes in
...unable to feel dressed up unless I'm wearing heels.
...horrible with make-up. Eyeliner and mascara are really my only everyday essentials.
...convinced that a glass of Malbec a day will help me live longer
...obsessed with JMU and Steelers football
...a firm believer that music speaks to your soul
...sometimes a little too impulsive
...chronically late, but trying to be better about that
...too concerned with what other people think of me
...afraid to be assertive and say how I feel
...going to start focusing on my self and what makes me happy
...tired of apologizing for who I am
2012 has been a tough year for me. I've made a lot of mistakes (some might say the biggest of my life), gone through some major transitions, and grown a lot as a person. The hardest part of this journey has been realizing who my true friends are...who to distance myself from and who to draw closer towards. But if people can't accept me for who I am, flaws and all, then I don't need them in my life.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Friday, July 13, 2012
Richmond is definitely a smaller scale city, but there is still plenty to do. And it kinda makes me feel like I'm in an eternal episode of Cheers, where everyone knows my name. (Or even if they don't, they still smile and say "hi".)
I grew up in the suburbs of RVA, so I was a bit sheltered from downtown life.
Things I've discovered:
-Downtown is not nearly as scary as my mom made it out to be. There are not rapists lurking around every corner.
-St. John's Church. I stumbled upon this gem while stopping to see if this old house was a historical marker was some sort of museum (don't ask me why, but I have a fascination with old homes). Patrick Henry gave his "Give me liberty or give me death" speech on the stairs of this church. How did I not know this??
-A bounty of parks with idyllic views of the James River. Hence why Richmond is affectiontely called the River City.
-Concerts. I feel like I'm constantly finding new local bands to follow.
-Museums. Yes, I lived in the museum capital of the country, but do you realize how crowded those got?? I can actually view artwork and have personal space/breathing room.
-Kick-ass cuisine. I grew up going to TGI Fridays, Applebees and Olive Garden. While I love my never-ending salad and breadsticks, there's just something so much better about family-owned restaurants.
-More space and cheaper rent. I think I can actually afford to live on my own now. Hell yes!
But really, I feel more content than I have in a long time. There's something ridiculously freeing about experiencing Richmond through my own eyes and on my own terms. It's like I'm finally forging a life of my own in a place I've always considered home.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
If you're wondering where the hell I've been the past six months, it's a long-ass story so I'll just say that my life has been a bit of a whirlwind. But, here are some key, abbreviated points:
-I began an extrememly volatile relationship where I hit the fast forward button, let the guy talk about marriage, devoted all of my heart, soul and energy, and became severely depressed. Our relationship barely lasted three months. (Good thing, too, because I don't know if I'd be here writing this if I had allowed myself to continue on that way.)
-I quit my job, left D.C. after calling it my home from six years and moved back to Richmond.
Getting into all of this right now would take up at least 10 pages single-spaced, and I'm not sure I'm ready to write about it all yet, so I'll spare you from all the nitty-gritty details for now.
But, after months of restlessness, I'm finally feeling at peace. I'm getting back into things that make me, me, and that includes writing.
Sure, making a professional career out of it has been a bit of a challenge. I've thought about throwing in the towel a million times. But writing is part of who I am and what I know and I can't just give up. (I had a psychic reading with an intuitive life coach last week and she told me to start writing everyday, even if it's just for 10 minutes. She has to know what she's talking about. Slightly kidding, but not really.)
So, I'm back. With renewed energy and spirit. I'm still figuring out who I am and what I want out of life, but at the end of the day, aren't we all?
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Labels: being single
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
This past August, my grandfather passed away. I was fortunate enough, a month earlier, to spend his 80th birthday with him at a surprise party planned by my aunt. About 100 of his family and friends showed up for the occasion.
The next day, I was at his house, and he kept talking about how normally during the days it was just him and his dog, Buddy, a Doberman the size of a small horse. My granddaddy’s second wife passed away a few years earlier from breast cancer, and progressed macular degeneration left him legally blind and unable to drive for the past decade. He lived with my aunt and uncle, who both worked full-time, 9-5 jobs, so he was often alone during the day, except for friends that stopped by for lunch on occasion.
He must have commented that he’s alone a lot at least five times during my visit. And it suddenly hit me – my 80-year-old grandfather is afraid of the same thing I am as a single 27-year-old. Being alone.
With each engagement and wedding, I’m elated for my friends, but also reminded that I’m nowhere near that milestone. And with each passing year, I wonder if it’s ever in the cards for me.
But, my grandfather taught me an important lesson before he died. This thing I’ve placed on a pedestal, and think will bring me life-long companionship, is fleeting. Marriage can end in divorce, or in my grandfather’s case with his second wife, death. As with everything in life, there are never any guarantees.
I write this not to come across as a crass, bitter bitch, or give off the notion that I no longer believe in love and finding a soul mate. Quite the contrary.
It’s a reminder that this fear of being alone can persist no matter what the circumstances. A reminder to be thankful for what I do have, instead of focusing on what I don’t. A reminder to tell those in my life I love them, and maybe call or write them more frequently so they’re aware how much they mean to me.
My aunt said that as she held my granddaddy’s hand while he drew his last breaths, he seemed at peace. I hope he passed from the physical world no longer fearful of being alone, but thinking of all the people he had impacted throughout his life. Those 100 people at his surprise party were just a small percentage, I'm sure.