I Feel Like Ranting Today...Facebook, You're on the Chopping Block

I realize I did a post on my love/hate relationship with Facebook a few weeks ago. I guess I have a lot of pent-up hostility towards that social networking site...probably because I spend 75% of my workday stalking-err, I mean browsing-people's profiles, status updates, pictures, etc.

Though I'm signed on Monday through Friday, 9-5, I don't really do much to my own fb account. There's the once-a-week status update (I normally don't have anything very exciting to say), the happy birthday/i heart you shout outs, the rare photo change and the even more rare photo postings. (My friends really hate this one...they know any pictures I take will NEVER get posted on fb.)

Over the years, I've noticed different types of fb users start to surface. I've developed my own classification for those users that really grate my nerves.

1) The "I-only-communicate-via-Facebook" user
You know, the people who, no matter what form of communication you use to contact them (phone call, text, e-mail, letter), will ONLY reply via a facebook wall post or message.

I can understand not wanting to answer a phone call. You're on the phone all day at work, so when 5 o'clock rolls around, the phone is put on silent mode so you can spend the evening interruption-free with a bottle of merlot and Grey's reruns on Lifetime. I get it.

BUT, a text? An e-mail? Why is it so hard to respond to those? You don't even have to TALK to the person!

When facebook was invented, the other forms of communication did not suddenly become obsolete.

You think if these peeps were in a burning building they'd send a wall post or message to the Fire Dept? Hell-to-the-no! They'd be picking up a phone. The same logic can be applied to your nearest and dearest. Just sayin'

2) The "I'm-an-attention-hog" Facebook user
No, I'm not going to join your pity party of how awful your day was and how you just want to be home cuddled in bed. Every other working American feels the same way. DEAL WITH IT.

3) The "vomit-inducing" Facebook user
Oh, I just love hearing how wonderful your significant other is and how much you love them. I don't care that he/she bought you a dozen roses, gives good back rubs and sweeps you off your feet every day. Spare us all, please.

4) The "I'm-pregnant-and-it's so-awful-and-wonderful-the-same-time" Facebook user
We get it. Pregnancy is such a magical experience---feeling the baby move for the first time, baby showers... Oh wait, it actually kinda sucks. Between the back pain and the swollen feet, you just want to pop the kid out now. Um...you're the one who got knocked up. Where's that mother's glow now??

5) The invisible Facebook user
The ones who create a fb account, but never bother to upload a picture or anything else. What good are they?

Types 1-4 are infinitely more better than these fuckers. At least they give me a way to occupy my time.

I'm equally annoyed when I'm in the same network as someone but not friends with them and can't see their profile. So rude. I need to stalk you, and you're making it REALLY difficult.

If you're any of the above, don't worry, I still love you. Your facebook account just gives me something to bitch/laugh about. And don't we all need that once in a while?