Lifetime Movies > Football

I've been negligent to this poor blog...again.

I haven't felt like writing in a week and a half, which is terrifying, because writing is such a major part of who I am.

But mainly, so much has happened that I just don't know where to start.

So, I'll just summarize it into this:

Life slapped me across the face, shook me a few times and told me I really need to start being nicer to my psyche.

And I'm trying. Little by little. Day by day.

May sound cryptic, but it's all I'm able to divulge. (For now, at least.)

I started this blog to laugh with and at myself (and hopefully allow others to in the process). So enough with the blah and onto the happy...

One of my nearest and dearest, SayJo, was in town this past week. While I was out to dinner with her and a group of her friends from high school, we started talking about the most recent Lifetime movie debut.

In case any of you weren't aware, "Pregnancy Pact" premiered Saturday, January 23rd. Not as good as the one where the entire school contracts syphillis, but still a classic.

Anyone ever notice how a Lifetime movie premiere for women is the equivalent of a championship football game for men?

Seriously, half of us at dinner stayed home that Saturday to watch this movie, the others DVRed it and one girl convinced a bartender to turn it on while she was out with friends. Pure genius and awesomeness.

I don't know what it is about movies depicting teen pregnancies, STDs and battered women, but us females like to bond through trash television and copious amount of wine.

I couldn't think of a better way to spend a Saturday night.

Holiday date nights with Just Jack

It's been a while since I wrote about Just Jack. Mainly because I don't see his pretty face nearly enough. So, I was beyond excited for our holiday date night last night.

Date nights with Just Jack=guaranteed hilarity.

Witness for yourself:

My little bro got me a pair of Ugg boots for Christmas. Just Jack DESPISES Ugg boots. (See this post for further clarification.) So of course I wore them just for him on our date night. Only the best for my gay-bee.

He couldn't resist ragging on me and I'm sure he'll never relent whenever I wear them in his presence. "I hope your warm and comfortable, Miss Procras., because you look ridiculous," were just some of the comments I endured. (His wifey, Straight Lady, owns Crocs so now he has two women in his life to torment. Bet he never thought that would happen.)

Anywho, we decided to order pizza from The Italian Store for dinner.

***D.C. residents, if you have not experienced the deliciousness that is The Italian Store, you are missing out on some of the best pizza ever created. And no, I'm not exaggerating. ***

Direct quote from Just Jack after he opened the box and ogled its contents. "I just had a mini-O from the site of that pizza."

Leaving the parking lot, we almost were run over by Santa, who had somehow traded in his sleigh for a red Ford Escape.

JJ: "Santa, go back to the North Pole and make me a toy for fuck's sake."

Our date night commenced with pizza, the cheapest bottle of wine we could find in the store (screwtop, of course), poured into pink plastic cups almost as flaming as JJ, a few reruns of Grey's, a viewing of Love Actually and some hot chocolate mixed with Kahlua, creme de menthe and vodka.

It was glorious.

And I must say, nights like this make my life complete.

Love you, mean it, JJ!

Wishing you all a Happy New Year! See you bias in 2010!!

You Know It's a Good Night When Miss Procras. Passes Out

I'm not a mean drunk. Or a dramatic lush. I'm actually the exact opposite.

I become extremely relaxed and somber after I've had a few. (Unless Britney is playing, then my ass is prancing around like a hooker on crack.)

But once I hit the point of no return, I have a habit of passing out in inappropriate places. Actual examples:

-Underneath a table at a bar on New Years Eve.
-On the ledge of a stage (please note: a band was performing while I was zonked out. I'm sure I did wonders for their confidence.)
-On a picnic table in the middle of a vineyard surrounded by families enjoying their lunch (as they watched me puke up mine.)
-A bathroom stall in a frat house...while still sitting on the toilet.

Thankfully, I have friends/babysitters who keep me from drowning, getting thrown out of bars, arrested, etc. Lo keeps joking that she's going to get me a leash or a tracking device for when we go out.

My most shining moment as of late? The quarter-century birthday extravaganza.

I meant to post a recap sooner, but we all now punctuality isn't my thing, so better late than never. :)

Needless to say, it was a succesful night. Good friends, good food, good tunes and most importantly, my wine glass was never empty.

After killing a bottle of pinot with SayJo and pounding the large juice-box shaped container of wine Biggie Smalls brought me, I was good to go. And quite appalled when the concert was over and the attendants began kicking people out of the venue.

I demanded, I mean, politely suggested, that we continue drinking at my apartment. I just wasn't ready for the party to stop.

Fast forward ten mintues later. Badass Roomie graciously served as our DD. I decided I needed to repay her by helping her drive. And by helping her drive I mean impending her ability to shift gears.

Then, I got a little frisky and tried to get fresh with her.

At least there was no passing out on stage next to Huey or in the bathroom. Maybe it's a sign I'm improving with age...or getting progressively lame. Hopefully it's not the latter.

A Day of Monumental Events

Today not only marks the birthday of your beloved Miss Procras, but also the anniversary of the day I met The Hoff. He had me at, “You know, we really have a lot in common.” Such a smooth talker, that Hoff. I have to say though, he’s the best birthday present I’ve ever gotten. (Cue the sappy music.)

To celebrate, a group of my nearest and dearest are going to a Huey Lewis and the News concert. Not gonna lie, I really don’t know many of their songs, but you better believe I’ll be rocking out, pretending to be showing off my mad Marty McFly skateboarding skills when they play “Power of Love.”

Mr. Lewis will be performing at one of my all-time favorite concert venues. It’s outdoors, and you can bring all the food and alcohol you’d like. I think more concert venues need to adopt this attitude. I’m sick of paying $11 for a flat, warm beer to keep my buzz going throughout an entire concert.

I’ll probably end up regretting this, but my plan is to drink wine all night. I’m 25 now – I need to at least pretend I’m classy.

If tonight goes anything like the last time I drank my weight in wine, I think I may be considered a candidate for VH1’s Charm School. You gotta dream big.

Full report of the night’s events tomorrow, pending I’m still alive/functioning.

Michelle, My Belle

Last night tops the list as the coolest event I’ve been to in D.C. Just Jack works for a huge theatre company here, and invited me to accompany him to an event they were hosting. Needless to say, he was able to snag us AMAZING seats-I’m talking seven rows back, smack dab in the middle, unobstructed view, seats.

And the best part? We were two rows behind the First Lady herself! In case any of you are wondering, she is just as poised and beautiful in person as she is on t.v. and magazines.

And holy crap, I’ve never seen so many secret service agents in my life! They really do wear those ear pieces, stand perfectly straight and never smile. Reminded me of “First Daughter” and “Chasing Liberty.” (Don’t judge me, you know you’ve watched those on ABC Family, hungover on a Sunday afternoon, surrounded by Taco Bell wrappers and Advil.)

Mrs. Obama did not attend the reception afterwards, but I did get to mingle with some of the D.C. elite.-senators, ambassadors, directors, singers, dancers… I felt like such the little socialite.

The open bar and buffet weren’t too shabby, either. Thanks to Just Jack, my wine glass was never empty.

But my primary duty was to serve as Just Jack’s arm candy. This was his night. He’s been hard at work on this event for months, and it was so cool to see something he worked so hard on be such a success. Not to mention, everyone was coming up and congratulating him. That always makes the months of hard work and planning that much more rewarding.

I must say, the event also opened my eyes to the diverse performing arts scene in D.C. Funny how much you never realize goes on in a city you’ve lived in for the past three years. But, this gives me lots of new ideas for weekend festivities-especially since Just Jack has the hookup for free tickets.