Random Humpday Fun

It's humpday and my eyes are glazing over from nothing to do at work.

Luckily, my dearest friend, Queen, sent me an e-mail full of random thoughts to keep me entertained. It was basically a list of things you've thought to yourself a hundred times but never dare admit to anyone else.

Below, is a smattering of my faves (with my own commentary, of course.) Enjoy!

I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
Especially to avoid areas like SE D.C. Thank god the Nats stadium finally moved.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
This happened to me last night when I got into a debate with The Hoff and his roommate about when Big Ben was drafted and won his first Superbowl. They just got iPhones and put me in my place with confirmed facts from Wikipedia. I HATE being wrong!

I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
Amen.

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
Story of my life. Anyone know how to do this discretely?

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
Why the f didn't I take advantage of nap time in Kindergarten?!

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
Kids today, I swear.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.
::sarcasm:: or note the sarcasm just don't cut it

Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the hell was going on when I first saw it.
That would be "Dirty Dancing" for me. Totally didn't realize she got an sma-smortion.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
And keep them wrinkle-free? It sucks waking up with a gazillion sleep lines in the morning.

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
Who cares if you get indents in your arms that hurt like crazy and you have to waddle to keep from tipping over because one side is always heavier than the other?

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
Or put on make-up, pluck my eyebrows, find the pen I just dropped so I can write down an address. Yeah, I'm that annoying/unsafe person who multi-tasks while driving.

It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
Don't they know most people can't have sound on at work?

Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
I'm convinced teachers have some conspiracy going on to fuck with students when they're already experiencing peak stress levels.

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
Can this please happen in D.C. more often? Let's start a club!

Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...'Goonies'"
I work in a call center. This happens to me at least 15 times a day. And I'm totally going to start using movie titles or celebrities instead of fruits or common names. What's the fun in that?

It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
Seriously, I don't think anyone goes there who is experiencing a planned pregnancy.

I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
Precisely why I always avoid sitting next to the remote.

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
No commentary necessary. This is just hilarious.