Navigating through the bullshit

Like most girls, I grew up entranced by Disney movies with princesses living happily ever after with their respective prince. My two favorites were "Cinderella" and "Sleeping Beauty," and I apparently watched those on repeat until my parents "lost" the VHS so they wouldn't be subjected to "Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo" for the millionth time. (Just kidding about the hiding the movie part...though the rents probably considered it on multiple occasions.)

By the time middle school and high school rolled around, I had upgraded from animated love stories to craptastic romantic comedies such as, "She's All That," "10 Things I Hate About You," and "Save the Last Dance." (Sadly, I own all these movies...and watch them everytime they come on TV. Super lame, I know.)

Now, the recent trend seems to be raunchy comedies starring Seth Rogen/Jason Segel/Paul Rudd. Don't get me wrong, I adore all these movies. They're hysterical.

HOWEVER, they are perpetuating the cycle of fairy tales for single women who have grown up being spoon-fed lie after lie.

Let me 'splain.

In the preschool/elementary school years, we're taught that a prince on a white horse will sweep us off our feet and we'll ride off into the sunset in domestic bliss.

By the time we're old enough to realize that there are approximately 8 princes in the entire world (and most of them are imbred), we're thrown a new heaping of bullshit.

Princes aren't realistic or attainable for the everyday girl, so he gets replaced by the hottest, most popular guy/biggest badass in school - enter Freddie Prinze Jr., Heath Ledger, Chris Klein, etc. They will ultimately be an deuche and make fun of you or they may not even know you exist. But by the end of the movie they've fallen head over heels for you and go to great lengths to show it - typically by chasing you down when you've decided they aren't worth your time and they have to prove to you they are.

Then high school comes and goes, along with the facade that men actually perform romantic gestures, and we enter college/the real world/a combination of the two.

No matter which one you enter first, the guys are all the same. It's become impossible for them to think with the head located above their belt, and they make it their goal in life to hook up with as many girls as possible because they're young and at the peak of their sex drive.

So, as women, we start getting used...A LOT. Because it takes a few times before we understand what a booty text is, or that a guy might not be taking us out to dinner because he actually wants to date us, or that he may come over a few times and "cuddle," but the moment we sleep with him, he pulls the disappearing man act.

Then someone hands us a copy of "He's Just Not That Into You," or we develop tough enough skin to the point where we become immune to any sort of romantic emotions at all. Because sometimes, it's easier to be numb.

And just when we thought we've got it all figured out, Hollywood execs find another way to fuck with our minds and pull at our heartstrings.

Because it's totally likely that a guy will stop being a pot head, get a real job, buy an apartment and want to marry you after a one-night stand resulted in you getting knocked up.

It's also nothing out of the ordinary for a self-proclaimed man-whore who insists love doesn't exist to fall for an up-tight, controlling woman and throw all his old theories out the window.

So, go ahead, ladies! Whore it up! Store guy(s) in your phone as "booty call." Have as much no- strings-attached sex as you want and fall for the assholes, because, ultimately they will profess their undying love and adoration for you. It's the new guaranteed way to land yourself a man!

Written out in black and white, it seems so obvious.

But the problem is - my problem is, stuff like this:

and this: and this:

...still make me swoon. Every time.

So, as women, how do we navigate between keeping our guard up, but not becoming a total Ice Queen, and wanting the fairy tale, but not getting our heart broken over and over again?

When I figure it out, I'll let you know.

At the end of the day, I know I want my own real life love story - one that would beat the hell out of any of these movies, but I'll pass on the fairy tale. How much fun would that be anyway?