Always the mistress, never the wife?

I used to joke in college that I would always be the mistress and never the wife when all I could find were one-night stands, not serious relationships. It was funny then.

Four years and two long-term relationships later, it's not so funny any more.

Do I have some gene that makes me unmarry-able?

Will I end up like Samantha in SATC, or worse - a 72-year-old single woman with 9,000 cats to keep me company?

Let me back up for a minute - the reason for this pity party is The Hoff and I are on a break. We both decided it would be best to take some time and figure out if we're truly meant for each other.

The more I think about it though, the more I wonder - shouldn't we know by now? Choosing a lifelong partner should not be this hard. I've always heard that when you know, you know. And neither of us do.

We hung out last night, for the first time since we decided to take a break (which was less than a week ago).

Worst idea EVER.

It was his roommate's birthday, so there were tons of other people around. The Hoff and I don't even know how to act around each other right now much less when all our friends are around = most awkward situation I've ever been in.

To make matters worse, one of The Hoff's friends (who is a girl and who I'm not the biggest fan of) showed up. For blogging purposes, I'll refer to her as FTW (Fake Tan Whore). I won't bore you with all the details, but basically I just feel like she never respected my relationship with The Hoff. She's a flirty person, who apparently has a "boyfriend." I say "boyfriend" because I don't think anyone has ever actually met the guy.

Needless to say, I've tried to be as nice as I can to this girl while suppressing the urge to beat her with my 4-inch stilletos. (The grungy ones I used to wear to frat parties. Don't want to ruin a good pair of heels.)

Last night, when The Hoff and I were arguing, she tried to pull me away from him so we could chat. I ignored her. So then she got in my face, called me crazy and went on some tirade about how The Hoff and her are just friends. I walked away.

I could sit here and slam FTW until I'm blue in the face, but at the end of the day, it's not about her. It's about me and The Hoff.

I think we sometimes misplace our hurt anger on the other person, because it's so hard to believe the person we love and care about most in the world would do something to hurt us so badly. But that's the risk you take when you fall in love.

And I'm so hurt by The Hoff right now. I feel like he put FTW above me last night. When we were still together, I kept wondering what she has that I don't to make him want to be so close to her. Is she a better listener? Does she laugh at his jokes more? Does she make him feel more wanted than I do? And what's worse - now that we're on a break, I know that she's the one he's confiding in. It's hard enough to see your ex get close with someone else, but when it's with someone you know doesn't like or respect you, it makes it that much harder.

To FTW: if you happen to stumble upon this (it is easily accessbile thanks to the grand and glorious interwebs), as much as I think you'd like it to be, it's never been about you. May you never have to endure your own significant other getting friendly with someone like you.

To The Hoff: I just want you to be happy. I hope that you find whatever or whoever it is that can make you smile everyday.

I'm a Big Kid Now

I started my new job on Monday.

I now ride the Metro to work, read the newspaper during my 20-minute commute and get this....

I

have

my

own

office!!

With my own window and everything.

Holy shit do I feel official!!

I suddenly feel the need to go out and buy office decor. You know, make it home-y. Maybe even feng-shui my work nest to promote a serene, productive environment. (Ha!)

Let's be real, the more likely scenario is for me to hang posters similar to those gracing the walls in my college dorm room. I.e. pieces of art such as:

and

Yes, that is a poster depicting different kinds of mullets and yes, I actually had this hanging up during my college years. Don't ask me why, but I think mullets are the most hilarious things ever. I even have a code word for when I see them out and about - you can't master the art of mullet hunting without a kick-ass code word.

And of course, I'll also need the obligatory DMB, Animal House and shirtless Paul Walker posters adorning my walls.

I think I'd be the hit of the office and the new favorite employee of the CEO.

The most hilarious thing about my new job though has to be that blogging has helped me. Seriously. I'm editing and posting web content using a program eerily similar to blogger. I never thought blogging would help me in the professional world but I am living, breathing proof that it can.

And I'm pretty sure this job will also help me develop a cooler blog once I start learning more about HTML coding. It's a win-win situation really.

In all seriousness, I'm really excited about this gig. I think it will really broaden my skills and experience and open a lot of new doors for me professionally.

It's an adjustment riding the crowded metro, weaving around the homeless people scattered up and down the streets, paying $10 for lunch and getting used to the all the hustle and bustle of a city. But I think I'm gonna like it. It doesn't hurt that there's a bar at the ground floor of my office. Coincedence? I think not.

I've got a feeling...that 26 is gonna be a good year

Time for my monthly update (I still can't believe I've only been posting once a month.) But a lot has happened in June.

In the past 30 days, I've been accepted into grad school, celebrated my 26th birthday and been offered a new job.

First of all, I'll be staying in D.C.! The decision was basically made for me (I got into one grad school program and not the other) so it was nice not having to choose between the two.

I celebrated my 26th birthday by drinking sangria and wine at the National Sculpture Garden and then venturing to the waterfront in Georgetown. The night began splendidly...and ended with my drunk-dialing my father.

I have no idea what made me so upset, but I was bawling and telling my poor father he needed to come to D.C., stat. (PS-it was only 11:30 p.m.) Thankfully, my roommate grabbed the phone from me and told my dad I was just upset about turning 26. Thanks, Rooms! I will be avoiding large quantities of wine for a while...

A week ago, I was offered a new job. I'll be working in the city doing work more in line with what I went to school for in the first place. I'm beyond excited and think it will be open a lot of doors for me career-wise. I'm also stoked to experience happy hours in D.C...haven't gotten to do that much while working in the 'burbs.

In August, I start grad school at George Mason. My classes are Tuesdays and Thursday from 7:20-10 p.m. I can't decide if it was a genius idea to go back to school or if I'm a glutton for punishment. Either way, it will be interesting to see if I can abandon some of my procrastinating tendencies. Pulling all-nighters and then working an eight-hour day would NOT be pretty.

It's crazy how quickly things can change. I've wanted them to for so long, it's hard to believe it's actually happening.

I think this calls for a summer-long celebration!

Routines and Miss Procras. do NOT get along

Routines have never really been my thing. Must be why I detest working Monday – Friday 8:30 – 5. Can’t we get a little variety and spice things up a bit? I.e. allow me to sleep later than 7:50 – 8:05 am?

This whole I’m-so-not-a-routine-person has started to wreck havoc on a facet of my life I adore…blogging.

A few months ago, I would blog at work during the 6 hours I had NOTHING to do. It would keep me entertained for a good hour or so of my work day. But now, I’m working two jobs, and my 8:30-5 job is crazy. I am working non-stop for a full eight hours. I barely have time to pee! Not that I’m complaining, I much prefer this type of job to the one I had before. The days fly by and I actually kind of enjoy the work. And it’s not like I have internet access while working at the mall. Unfortunately, no iPhone/Blackberry/Smartphone for me yet.

So, this leaves me with zero time to blog.

I could say, okay, no matter what, I’m going to blog every Tuesday and Thursday at 10 p.m. when I get home from working at the mall or happy hour or whatever. But I know that won’t happen. I’ll grab a beer or glass of wine, plant myself in front of the television, and watch Friends, Snapped, Forensic Files or Golden Girls until I pass out. (I may or may not have memorized the line-up of awesome shows that are on between the hours of 10 pm and midnight.)

I’m not going to write lies (maybe that’s why I can’t find a job as a journalist), so I’m not going to promise that I’ll do better and post more often. Because I know the minute someone suggests happy hour or I find a Snapped marathon on t.v., blogging will be thrown out the window.

Sad, but true. Because I do love blogging. It’s introduced me to some pretty rad people (Hi, Pho and LiLu!)

But I can say I’ll blog when I can. And hopefully I can kick my ass in gear and make it happen more often.

In other news, this weekend, I will attending horse race with Lo and my Richmond nearest and dearest. Lo and I are bringing a bottle of firefly, a bottle of Absolut Apeach vodka to mix with lemonade (which will actually end up being peach vodka with an itty-bitty splash of lemonade) and a 12-pack. I’m driving my mom’s mini-van there and then my dad is chauffeuring us back. (Thanks, Daddy-O!) It’ll be just like high school….except it’s legal for us to drink.

Two words: SHIT SHOW

Guaranteed, I’ll have some fun pics/stories to share.

Happy Friday!!!

I quit my job! And other fun updates!

Time for a mayjah update.

A) I quit my job. Can I get a hell yeah?!! No more threats, accusations and mean looks! (For now.)

B) I started two new ones.

I’m working for a temp agency during the week and at Jessica McClintock during the weekends. This is my fourth prom season working there. Why I continuously subject myself to the trivial demands of teenage girls who just want a dress they can stain a la Monica Lewinsky I have no idea. I’m a glutton for punishment.

Good news is, I will have fun stories to share on this blog.

Anyway, this is my plan for the next two months until I figure out where I’m going to grad school. It’s strange, because I visit Richmond and feel at home and love reconnecting with some of my best friends. But D.C. fits, too. And the thought of leaving The Hoff and my friends up here is terrifying.

But I know I’ll end up where I’m supposed to. I’m excited to start a new chapter of my life. I know that I’m capable of far more than I’ve accomplished in the four years since I graduated in college. And I’m determined to make it happenen.

I’ve even toyed with the idea of getting a PhD. Can you imagine? Dr. Procras. Ha! But I’ll cross that road once I obtain a master’s degree. It may be all the school I can handle.

C) With the pay cut I’ve taken, I’ve started frequenting more happy hours. It is so much cheaper to drink during the hours of 4 – 8 pm! The cell phone flask will start making more and more cameos when I decide to go out on the weekends. Momma’s on a budget!

D) I’ve tried to make The Hoff my sugar daddy. He is less than enthused. But, he treated me to a movie this weekend. Those who haven't, go see "Hot Tub Time Machine" immediately! Huh-larious! And bonus points if you've seen it and recognize the actor who plays the one-armed bellhop.

E) I have bangs now. And my hair is darker with highlights. I'll try to post a pic soon.

F) I’ve read two Nicholas Sparks books in three days. They’re my crack cocaine. I feel so lame reading them, and even more lame when I cry while reading them, but they are just SO DAMN GOOD.

G) A weekend wouldn’t be complete without a compelling Lifetime movie. Sunday, “Student Seduction” with Elizabeth Berkley was playing. I’ve seen it before, and I’ll probably see it 50 more times. The former Jesse Spano plays a high school chemistry teacher who offers to tutor a stuggling student. Dude turns out to be a little psycho and assaults her, but then accuses her of coming on to him.

Why are these movies soooo good?! And how do they cast such award-winning actresses?!

That’s all I’ve got for now. Hopefully I’ll have some good teenaged retail crisis stories to share soon.

The Hoff Does Not Heart Lifetime Movies

We all know I have a slight obsession with Lifetime movies. The acting is stellar (hello...Tori Spelling stars in 59.8% of the movies), the content is compelling and there's also a moral to the story (i.e. don't sleep with your friend's husband; don't marry abusive psychopaths). Deep stuff.

My all time favorite lifetime movie was on Sunday night. Maybe some of you have heard of it? It's called "She's Too Young." Basically, it's about a group of high school students who all contract syphilis because they sleep around with each other. The focus is on a freshman girl, who gives the popular jock head just so he'll like her and ends up contracting syphilis. Obviously, it's a classic.

Fortunately for The Hoff, we were at his place so he could witness this award-winning drama. I've never seen someone cringe so much while still stay glued to the television screen. The movie reinforced his stance that he doesn't ever want to have a daughter and brought out some of the most hilarious commentary.

My favorite? "This movie is giving me a negative boner."

I think The Hoff and I need to make Lifetime movie date nights a regular occurrence.

What to do with my life?

I used to spend half my day at work catching up on my blogs while writing my own posts. Since I'm not currently working, I don't exactly have the same routine.

I've been studying like crazy for the GREs, applying to grad schools and going on lots of job interviews. I also don't have a working computer in my apartment so I've been hitting up the Arlington library and stealing The Hoff's whenever I can.

My life just feels so chaotic lately because I have no clue what I'm doing with myself a few months from now. I could be in Richmond for grad school or still be in D.C. working. The only thing certain is that I will NOT be going back to my job.

I know I've somewhat alluded to it, but at the end of January I was called into my supervisor's office and told that I had been grouchy that week and that they had smelled alcohol twice.

I don't think I've ever been that shocked/mortified/appalled in my life. The first thing I did was vehemently deny being an alcoholic or ever drinking during work hours. I may enjoy my apple martinis, chianti and coors light, but I'm not stupid enough to jeopardize a job or my reputation. That's why happy hours were invented, after all - for the working girl to drink away her work problems cheaply AFTER 5 p.m.

Needless to say, I had a series of panic attacks and have been on leave since. The thought of going back is enough to make me feel like my chest is being crushed by a boa constrictor.

Anyway, the point of all this is to say I miss you, blogging world. In the words of Renee Zellweger, "You complete me." My professional life may be in shambles, but you have never failed me. And I promise to not be neglectful like I have been the past two months.