Why is hitting the delete button so GD hard?!?!

I have a hard time letting go of things.

I blame this on my mother - she's uber sentimental and can't bring herself to throw away my henious self portrait from fourth grade or the dress I wore to church for Christmas in 1992.

I'm like this with notes, cards and text messages.

I've deleted all but two of The Hoff's texts to me from when we were together. They were the last two he sent me before we broke up.

And the first guy I've really gotten smitten with after The Hoff? I kept all his texts for a good month and a half after we stopped talking. Yesterday, I finally said - enough is enough - this guy isn't worth the storage capacity in my phone and deleted them all. It's an empowering feeling, but sad at the same time.

I'm like this with any sort of note or greeting card, too. I throw every single card I receive into a shopping bag. I just feel like those are things that should be treasured and saved, not tossed aside.

But sometimes I wonder if keeping Valentine's Day cards from my college boyfriend is the healthiest thing in the world. It's not like I read them very often, but the thought of holding onto a chapter of my life that is closed seems a little pathetic.

I think I like to remind myself that I was once treasured enough to receive a "thinking of you" text or a "happy birthday - you mean the world to me" card. I like reading them over and over, and feeling the giddy rush I felt when I first read them. But maybe getting rid of these things is part of the healing process, allowing me to let go a little more of a person who is no longer an everyday part of my life.

I feel like I'm learning a lot from being single. And I need to start letting go of things sooner. These little reminders do nothing but hold me back, and I want to keep moving forward.

So delete button, you and I might soon become fast BFFs.

Facebook + Relationships = Trouble

I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. At best, I'd consider us frenemies.

Sure, it provides hours of distraction at work and keeps you connected to faraway friends, but it also raises added complications, especially when relationships are concerned.

1) Can relationships actually start from a Facebook encounter?

Witness dialogue from “He’s Just Not That Into You:”
Mary: He MySpaced me.
Nathan: Ouch!
Mary: Oh.
Joshua: Oh girl I don't know about that... My trampy little sister says MySpace is the new booty call.

2) Is it absolutely vital to confirm your relationship on Facebook?

3) What about when you break up? Is it best to delete an ex from your friend list?

4) If you stay Facebook friends, is it healthy to: sneak a peek at an ex’s profile, pics, status; send messages occasionally? What’s proper Facebook ex etiquette?

When I apply these questions to my own life, I wonder – am I going about this Facebook relationship thing all wrong?

1) The night I met The Hoff, I scurried off before he could ask for my number to avoid an awkward goodbye. I obviously wanted him to ask for my number, but I didn’t want him to know that. To my surprise, I got a friend request and FB message from him the next day. Guess this refutes the logic of Facebook communication = booty call.

2) I never confirmed a relationship on Facebook until I started dating The Hoff. And even then, I didn’t confirm it until we had been together almost a year.

I just don’t understand people who feel the need to broadcast their love and devotion all over Facebook. It makes me want to vomit all over my screen reading about how perfect someone’s boyfriend/husband is and how they can’t wait to see them in 2.75 hours.

The Hoff’s roommates used to joke that The Hoff and I weren’t in a real relationship since we weren’t even confirmed on FB. Since when does a social networking site determine how real your relationship is?

I think that’s bullshit- you can absolutely be in a loving, committed relationship without advertising it. Though I will admit, it does prevent certain former flings from contacting you, thinking you are single, when they can easily check your relationship status.

3) My most recent ex is still on my friends list. We didn’t have a nasty breakup or anything, so it didn’t seem necessary to delete him.

4) I have to admit, I do check out my recent ex’s profile/pics/status updates everyone once in a while. He has a new girlfriend and a new job, and I have to admit, it does sting a little to read that and feel like I know nothing about a person that I used to know everything about. But I can’t stop myself from looking.

It makes me wonder if that nagging feeling of knowing your ex is with someone else ever goes away. And if not, is it really healthy to keep him on my friends list and have a constant reminder that I’m no longer a part of his life? And if I do delete him and he realizes it, will I look like pathetic and immature?

I think as new technologies emerge, we have to create new rules and boundaries for ourselves. Like with cell phones, I have a few friends who will file a girlfriend’s number under their recent ex’s name so that even if they drunk dial him, they’ll reach someone who can cheer them up. (Of course this doesn’t help if you know the bastard’s number by heart.)

I have a feeling by the time I get my personal Facebook etiquette system down pat, something else will come along that I have to figure out all over again.

So I'm curious-what are your Facebook relationship rules? How do you think relationships should be handled on social networking sites?

Blasts from the Pasts

Living in a big city like D.C., one would think that the chances of running into an ex-fling unplanned are pretty slim to none.

Not in my life.

The past always find of creeping-or shoving-it's way back in.

Last Wednesday, I went out for drinks with an ex-boyfriend. I’ll call him Cougar Magnet. For some reason, women over the age of forty throw themselves at him. It’s pretty funny because though he relishes in the attention, he tends to date women his own age.

Quick back story on my relationship with Cougar Magnet: We were together for two years during college. Break-up was kinda ugly. Didn’t really talk to him much until recently when I ran into him in the foyer of my office building. Can we say random? Ever since then, we catch up every few months over drinks.

So, anyway, Cougar Magnet and I went to this overly crowded bar to watch the NHL playoffs. After finishing our beers, he went to the bar to buy us a second round and left me alone to guard our seats.

Not five minutes after he leaves, I look over and see another former fling, who shall be referred to as Ron Jeremy. Side note: He looks nothing like the real RJ, but he’s as sleazy as a porn star, so it works.

Anyway, when I saw him, I noticed him standing with an equally trashy-looking blonde. Not to do the whole, girl-hating thing, but she definitely looked like a cross between a playmate and a Rock of Love contestant. They started walking toward where I was sitting, so I (unsuccessfully) tried to hide my face by pretending to rummage for something in my purse.

Three reasons:
1) I popped a blood vessel in my eye last weekend and look like a freak.
2) I didn’t want to have to deal with the uncomfortable, yet obligatory introductions of his new gf.
3) As part of my “makeover,” I’ve decided to rid myself of any and all negative influences in my life – Ron Jeremy being one of them.

Here’s the 411 on Ron Jeremy: We had a purely physical relationship that lasted about two months last summer. One night, I agreed to meet him out at this bar that's always super crowded and always charges a cover fee. As I soon as I arrived, I texted him to let him know I was there, but he didn't respond.

So, I decided to do a quick walk-thru, on the off-chance I’d find him before he texted me back. Surprisingly, I spotted him right away and started walking towards him. As I got closer, I noticed he was talking to a girl and slowly began to realize what was going on.

The girl seductively brought her beer bottle to her lips as he leaned in and said, “I think you should give me your number.”

He was totally hitting on her- after he had texted me to come meet him!! How slimeball can you get?!

Frantically, I turned around and hightailed it to the front of the bar. I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t about to leave after paying a $7 cover, but I didn’t want to stay, either. I started going through my phone and calling people on the off-chance they’d be at this bar or somewhere nearby so they could come save me.

No luck.

I called Just Jack to tell him what happened and ask him what I should do. He offerred to take a cab and come meet me, but I didn’t want him to have to do all that. I decided to just stay, grab a drink at the bar and hope that a cute boy talked to me.

In the middle of me explaining my plan of action to Just Jack, I saw the girl Ron Jeremy was hitting on leave the bar with her friends.

“20 bucks I get a text in the next 5 minutes,” I told Just Jack before hanging up the phone.

You can start calling me Miss Cleo because not two mintues later, before I could even get my first drink from the bar, I got a text from Ron.

“Hey, I’m by the bathroom. Where are you?”

A number of thoughts are ran through my head at this moment. Do I ignore him? Call him out? Slap him/pour my drink on him?

Regrettably, I chose none of the above. I texted him back and told him I’d meet him by the bathroom. It had been a couple of weeks since I saw him, so I gave him a half-ass hug, really wishing I had the balls (no pun intented) to kick him in the groin. We made awkward small-talk for a few minutes before migrating upstairs.

Ron made the weakest attempt at an apology I've ever heard of for not calling me the past two weeks.

Ron Jeremy: I’m sorry that I haven’t called you lately; I’ve been really busy with work and stuff.

Miss Procras. inner dialogue: Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

Miss Procras.: I’ve been busy, too. You don’t have to apologize, it’s not like we’re dating or anything.

Ron Jeremy: No, but seriously, I’ve been traveling a lot.

Miss Procras.: If you really wanted to talk to me, you would have found the time to call.

Ron Jeremy: That’s true. It’s just really bad timing for me. I just got out of a long distance relationship and I’m not ready to jump back into anything.

Miss Procras. inner dialogue: More bullshit. Are you still trying to justify this to me? Get over yourself, dude. I’m not trying to date you.

Miss Procras.: Let’s face it, Ron, our relationship pretty much consists of sex and alcohol.

Ron Jeremy: Yeah, well, that’s not all I’m about. I mean, honestly, I don’t get many girls. I’m
usually the one my friends laugh at.

Miss Procras. inner dialogue: Is this dude for real? Does he really think I’m going to fall for this crap? If you have to justify yourself, you clearly have issues.

Miss Procras: (after downing my beer) Uh-huh, right.

I decided to just get drunk and enjoy the band…at least they were worth listening to.

Later on, Ron started talking about his parents.

Ron Jeremy: My parents are awesome, you’ll see when you meet them.

Miss Procras. inner dialogue: Is this seriously the same guy that used every excuse imaginable to tell me he didn’t like me enough to date me?

Miss Procras.: Um…I don’t think I’m going to meet your parents.

Ron Jeremy: Why not?

Miss Proras.: What are you going to do, introduce me to them as the girl you occasionally fuck?

...And guys say that girls are the confusing ones who can’t decide what they want.

I must say though, my life feels much better without having people like Ron in it. I knew the second time I hung out with him that I could never date him. (He boasted about being a trained fighter and told me I was on “his side of the bed.”)

Why I continued to hang out with him is beyond me. Maybe I liked what little attention I got from him. But he brought nothing positive to my life and it’s good to have him out of it.

I just wish I wouldn’t have to sporadically run into him and be reminded of that part of my life.