Reflection on Friendships

I have a hard time letting go of friends, which could be considered a good and bad thing. Good because I’m still close with people from elementary school, middle school and high school. (I guess I’m lucky that after my sixth birthday, my family never moved.) Bad because I sometimes let people walk all over me and never stand up for myself. I forgive them, because I don’t think people I consider my friends would ever intentionally do anything out of malice or spite.

But how do you really know? When is it acceptable to completely cut ties with someone?

I’ve never really cut ties with a friend before. I had someone do that to me in high school. And it sucked. She was my best friend through eighth and ninth grade. Our sophomore year of high school, she got a boyfriend, and we started drifting apart. I missed her. And I tried to tell her that, but I went about it the wrong way. We never talked again after that. I e-mailed her, called her, but she was done. We went to different high schools so it’s not like I saw her everyday. The friendship was over.

I still think about that and what I could have done differently. I guess if anything, it served as a learning experience from me. But it’s still hard to not blame myself.

My mom says that friends come in waves. Some friends you have in high school will fizzle out and in ten years you may not even talk to that college soulmate anymore. How sad to think that a person that was once so important to you is now obsolete?

I can already see it happening, though. There’s people I was close to in college that I haven’t talked to since graduation and know that I’ll never see again. Then again, I still talk to my closest friends on regular basis. Will they be in my bridge group when we're 75? Or will they just become a name on my Christmas card list, only worthy of annual correspondence?

I guess that’s the harsh reality of growing up. Everyone is forging their own path, which may or may not be in the same directions as yours. I don’t think it will get any easier as friends fade in and out of my life, whether it be a gradual or abrupt dissolve. And I’ll probably always place some of the blame on myself. But I’d like to think that there are some friendships that can stand the test of time. Some friends that will be with me through marriage, children and retirement.

Sorry for such a downer post. I promise to return to our regular scheduled blog programming next week. I’m off to Seattle for a few days for work, so catch ya on St. Patty’s Day! (And be sure to start celebrating this festive holiday over the weekend…don’t pull a me when drinking is involved!)